Avert your eyes…

…seriously, this is not safe for work, small children, special snowflakes, or house pets. If I had to see this, well, I sure as hell am not going to be the only one* who suffers.

* * * * * * * * * *      * * * * * * * * * *     * * * * * * * * * *

If you can’t read it, it says, “Periods are not just for women. Hashtag: Bleeding while trans”.

It’s okay. I’ll wait until you stop gagging.

This represents the epitome of what is wrong with celebrating a mental disorder. Yes, I will say that again:

Transexualism, or transgenderism, characterized by the belief that a person born biologically male, or biologically female, believes that he is a member of the opposite sex. One suffering from this belief, also known as gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder, will often undergo extreme measures to portray himself  externally in order to match these conflicted identities. These measures include but are not limited to cross-dressing, hormone therapy, and genital mutilation.

That is the basest summary. Now I’ll get into the technical:

A Biological Glossary¹, because, Facts and Science. 
We all love Bill Nye, because of Science!

Sex
1.  : either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures
2. :  the sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females
3. a : sexually motivated phenomena or behavior
b : sexual intercourse
4. genetalia

Gender
1.  a : a subclass within a grammatical class (such as noun, pronoun, adjective, or verb) of a language that is partly   arbitrary but also partly based on distinguishable characteristics (such as shape, social rank, manner of existence, or sex) and that determines agreement with and selection of other words or grammatical forms
b : membership of a word or a grammatical form in such a subclass
c : an inflectional form (see inflection 3a) showing membership in such a subclass
2. a : sex the feminine gender
b : the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex

trans-
(prefix) 1. a prefix occurring in loanwords from Latin ( transcend; transfix); on this model, used with the meanings “across,” “beyond,” “through,” “changing thoroughly,” “transverse,” in combination with elements of any origin:

Here’s the basic, science-based, hard cold truth:
“Gender” is a language construct. In many romance languages, certain nouns are considered either masculine or feminine. The word “cat”, in Spanish, for example, is a masculine noun. One will always refer to “the cat” as “el gato”, regardless if the cat is male or female. Likewise, in French, “the chair” is translated as “la chaise”. Like Spanish, “la” denotes a feminine noun. In English, common nouns (person, place, thing) are neutral.

When it comes to humans, we are born² either male or female. We have a distinguishable and often visible sex: either a penis and testes or labia and vagina. Male babies carry the XY gene, females, XX. When puberty occurs, males will develop a deeper voice, more muscle mass, thicker and more widespread body hair, and the testes will drop further into the scrotum to facilitate the production of sperm. Females will develop breasts capable of creating milk and begin a roughly monthly menstrual cycle.

The menstrual cycle³, of course, brings me to the whole point of this. Every 28 days or so, the uterus, the only reproductive organ capable of protecting a developing baby, lines itself with nutrients and blood. If conception does not occur, the uterus empties itself of this material and begins the process anew. For anywhere between 2 and 7 days, give or take, blood and tissue exits the body via the vagina.

As ONLY females of our species have a uterus and a menstrual cycle, allow me to make it very, very clear that periods ARE just for women. There is no possible way that a biological male is ever going to ovulate, create sperm-friendly cervical fluid, conceive, and bear a child. He will never have breasts that produce milk and nourish that child. This is something exclusive to biological females.

One of the biggest problems I have is the statement, “I feel like a woman.” No person born male can ever truly understand what it is to be a woman. The closest true statement would be “I feel what I imagine being a woman feels like.” As a male, he will never experience the visceral things a female body does, will never see the world colored by the experiences of being a woman, because no matter what he does to his body, he will never be a woman. Likewise, a biological female can never truly understand what it is to be a man. We share the human experience, but it will always be through the lens of our own lives. I can imagine the discomfort of standing in front of a class with an unexpected erection because I have had to walk down the hallway with bloodstained clothes because my period started unexpectedly. I can’t tell you what the sensation in the testes during an erection feels like, nor can a man understand the unique and painful sensation of passing a large blood clot through the vagina. We cannot understand because it is outside our realm of experience. It is impossible.

So to the woman in the picture above suffering from gender identity disorder:
I’m sorry society has failed you. I’m sorry that we, as a culture, have allowed this notion of “sexual freedom” to get so far out of hand that it prevents you from getting the help you so desperately need. I can’t imagine what it is like to feel like you were born “wrong” or “broken”. You are not. You are a woman, a fellow human being, worthy of respect. I am only one small drop of water in an ocean of those who think your suffering is something that should be continued and not abated. I wish there was something that could be done that didn’t force you to poison and mutilate your beautiful body. For it IS beautiful, just as it was the day you were born and your family marveled over your adorable ears and counted each of your perfect fingers and toes. I’m sorry we are so far gone that we cannot help you. We can’t even help ourselves.

Footnotes:

*I really, really hope she cleaned up that bench. Blood-bourn pathogens, anyone?

¹ “Gender.” Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 14 July 2017.
“Sex.” Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 14 July 2017.
“Trans-.” Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com, n.d. Web. 14 July 2017.

²Intersex abnormalities, such as hermaphrodism, only account for 0.008% of live births, or roughly 8 per 100,000 live births. (http://www.leonardsax.com/how-common-is-intersex-a-response-to-anne-fausto-sterling/)

³http://uk.clearblue.com/menstrual-cycles-and-ovulation

 

 

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To Vaccinate, or Not to Vaccinate?

…that shouldn’t even BE a question.
Why? Because science.

Woooooow. Want to open up a topic for debate that will irritate both liberals AND conservatives across the board?

Vaccines.

Holy crap.

For those who have been living under a rock for the last twenty years, in 1998, British gastroenterologist Andrew Jeremy Wakefield and eleven of his colleagues published a study in the British medical journal The Lancet suggesting a link between the MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine and the onset of autism and bowel disease in children. Questions regarding the validity of the study were raised when other doctors and scientists were unable to duplicate Wakefield’s results. Sixty-seven studies conducted between 1998 and 2010 (some of which can be found HERE; HERE; HERE; and HERE) found no correlation between the MMR (or any other) vaccine and the diagnosis of autism.

Other questions surrounding the validity of Wakefield’s claims came from investigative reporter Brian Deer of the Sunday Times, the UK’s most respected newspaper. Deer discovered that Wakefield’s entire study revolved around 12 anonymous children with “apparent brain disorders” admitted to the pediatric bowel unit at the Royal Free Hospital near London between July 1996 and February 1997.

[Please let me, The Blonde, stop right there. I’m a historian and thespian. I teach. My first idea in college, though, was to become a large animal vet, so I have a pretty solid background in science. General science, biology, honors and AP chemistry, honors Physics in high school; biology, marine biology, inorganic chem in college. Even I know that one should not publish a world-shattering study, with the potential to change lives quite literally around the world, based off less than a year’s worth of research on such a small sample. My teachers and professors would have kicked my butt for even suggesting that. But, I digress.]

Parents of eight of the 12 children blamed the MMR vaccine for their children’s diagnosis of both IBD and autism. (Many children with ASD also have GI issues. No one is exactly sure why, but it’s common. AutismSpeaks explains.) As hysteria went global thanks to the likes of Jenny McCarthy, who blamed the vaccine for her own son’s autism, Deer discovered that far from a scientific breakthrough, Wakefield had been approached in 1994 by lawyer Richard Barr, a lawyer of dubious intent looking to start a speculative class-action lawsuit against the manufacturers of the MMR vaccine. What was actually planned I can’t even begin to paraphrase, so I’ll let Deer himself explain.

Unlike expert witnesses, who give professional advice and opinions, Wakefield had negotiated an unprecedented contract with Barr, then aged 48, to conduct clinical and scientific research. The goal was to find evidence of what the two men claimed to be a “new syndrome”, intended to be the centerpiece of (later failed) litigation on behalf of an eventual 1,600 British families, recruited through media stories. This publicly undisclosed role for Wakefield created the grossest conflict of interest, and the exposure of it by Deer, in February 2004, led to public uproar in Britain, the retraction of the Lancet report’s conclusions section, and, from July 2007 to May 2010, the longest-ever professional misconduct hearing by the UK’s General Medical Council (GMC).

Barr [audio] paid the doctor with money from the UK legal aid fund: run by the government to give poorer people access to justice. Wakefield charged at the extraordinary rate of £150 an hour – billed through a company of his wife’s – eventually totaling, for generic work alone, what the UK Legal Services Commission, pressed by Deer under the freedom of information act, said was £435,643 (then about $750,000 US), plus expenses. These hourly fees – revealed in The Sunday Times in December 2006 – gave the doctor a direct personal, but undeclared, financial interest in his research claims: totaling more than eight times his reported annual salary and creating an incentive not only for him to launch the alarm, but to keep it going for as long as possible.” (Brian Deer’s Research)

 

It would be the shady deal heard ‘round the world.

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Snowflake Identification 101

A few weeks ago, a friend who describes himself as being fully in the Bernie encampment made the following statement, and I can’t say it any better than he himself could.

For exhibit A, I present the exact conversation as it took place on social media: Names and faces have been blocked to protect privacy. We shall call my snowflake opponent…The Bumble.q1 response1

 

 

response2

My opponent in Blue, myself in Red. I highlighted the parts of his statement in blue that I thought were critical.

 

So here I was, watching an adult male (from here known as “The Bumble”)  asking a group of other adults their feelings on the first month of Trump’s administration. Do they feel that he is doing a good job thus far? Are we faring well as a country? What do you like and what don’t you? Is he effective?

In my response, in red, I gave my own, personal answer, and the reasons why I think Trump and his staff are completely able and effective for the rigors of the next four years, despite all the loudmouths in liberal government and the media. As you can see from the screenshots, my differing opinion was quickly shot down with “Your information is wrong on so many levels and points. I’m sorry you feel this way.” I gave him plenty of opportunity to refute with his own opinions and information, but he ignored the opportunity for an open discussion and instead took his toys to another playground, a typical play of snowflakes leftists.

The Bumble had no problem telling me I was wrong, but he could not defend himself against what I said, so he just unfriended me. Now he won’t see my abhorrent opinions encroaching on his newsfeed. He needn’t worry that I might jump out of the bushes wearing a ballgown in red, white, and blue trying to cram a “Make America Great Again” hat on his head.

One of the prime ways to identify a special snowflake: If they can’t get you to agree with them, they will do their best to humiliate you and shut you down. Commonly, this will be accompanied by accusations of racism, misogyny, classism, homophobia, xenophobia, and islamophobia, and, God forbid, being an old, white dude. At least our founding fathers get to be dead white dudes and don’t have to listen to this nonsense.

Vocal conservatives: keep your eyes peeled as to who might be unfriending you throughout the year. Might save you on stamps come Christmas.

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The Dawning of a New Age

I realize I haven’t written anything really political around here lately, and for good reason. It sends my stress levels though the roof and I’ve got six different doctors telling me to take it easy. On the other hand, they’re trying to get my blood pressure out of the toilet, so maybe this is a good thing.

 

Donald J. Trump is now our 45th president. To all the whiners and special snowflakes, allow me to offer some advice:

Shut. The fuck. Up. We, the silent majority, somehow managed to get through eight years of Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm Mmm Mmm), you will get through the next four (minimum) of President Trump. You know what? It feels really good to be able to say that. President Trump. He was not my first choice in the primary season. I voted for somebody else on Primary day. As Trump pulled a Secretariat and blew past the competition and I started looking into this hard-assed business man from NYC, I began to think, “You know what? Maybe this is the kick in the pants that the general public NEEDS so desperately right now.”

There are only two stipulations to become president of the United States. 1. You must be a natural-born citizen, and there are zero questions that Trump is. He was born in the Bronx to a first-generation German-American and a Scottish immigrant who became an US citizen on her 18th birthday. The second requirement states only that the office-holder must be 35 years of age or older*.

What does this mean? It means anyone who meets those two requirements can run for the highest office. It does not need to be a career politician, or a lawyer, or former ambassador. It does not need to be anyone with political experience. A farmer could run, or your local UPS guy, so long as they have the backing to launch a major political campaign. IMHO, I think a Joe Schmoe would do very well. Someone from the middle class who KNOWS what people want and need, rather than a person who’s been gazing down on us peons from their Ivory towers for most of their adult lives.

That’s why I trust the Donald to frankly, get shit done. He’s been there. He know’s what it’s like. Yeah, he may have grown up with money, but he knows what do to with it, and he’s not afraid to get down and dirty to get the job done. This country has taken some real wrong turns, and I’m surprised we haven’t landed at Albuquerque yet.** I firmly believe that he truly loves this country and is going to do what it takes to make it the reigning superpower, instead of the laughing-stock, on the world stage. Where others have led from behind, he will be leading the charge, in whatever form it takes.

So God bless President Trump, and God bless America.

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An Ode to Evil

Many of you, I’m sure, are familiar with Facebook’s daily “See Your Memories” posts, in which the algorithm dredges up whatever you posted on that particular date X amount of years prior, giving you the opportunity to re-post it, should you deem it worthy.

Last night, my youngest brother, Joe,  mentioned to me that it was twelve years ago on that date (January 12), that Resident Evil IV had just been released and we (myself, and my brothers Joe and Frank) had spent the entire afternoon after school watching Frank play. Watching this horror show (and it was a horror show on so many different levels) meant that none of us got our homework done, and we were all pretty sure that our teachers were not going to accept, “But getting past those chainsaw-wielding bitches was way harder than previously anticipated” as an excuse. So we did the next logical thing and prayed for a snow day.

The Biohazard gods answered those prayers.

So why do I bring this up?

Well, for one, RE7 is coming out in a few short weeks, and we’ll be doing the exact same thing: gathering to watch each other play, get slaughtered, offer advice at solving puzzles and what weaponry should be used where, reminding each other of past epic failures (oh, and they were indeed epic) and in a way, reliving a piece of our childhood. Resident Evil was the one thing we really bonded over in our teenage years. As we’ve become *cough* adults and our lives have pulled us in different directions, it’s good to know that a little bit of zombie obliteration will always bring us back together again.

img_4150

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How To Be a True American in these Troubled Times

An Editorial From an Average, American Citizen, after reading these results, that I’d been given the results to share.

“If Hillary was the right woman/candidate to run this country, the results of last nights election would be different. If Trump is as unfit to run this country as people claimed he is, he would not be president-elect at this very moment.
Its ridiculous that people are already throwing around impeachment as an option because they dislike Trump, especially when he hasn’t done anything to warrant the word “impeachment” (which btw Inauguration Day isn’t till January 20th so you might wanna actually come up with legitamate grounds to have Trump impeached before you start babbling stupidity) to be thrown around…now HRC is a different story but she is not/won’t be president so we don’t have to even worry about that.
I’ve seen people already say they’re hoping Trump gets assassinated and that his whole family dies out…and these are the SAME people spewing ignorant remarks about how we as a people “chose hate over kindness. Chose taking a step backwards over progression”. It makes me sick.
Whether you voted for Trump or not, he is our future President of our United States. WITH that title, comes the duty of the people who live in the USA as a whole to respect the POSITION, even if we don’t particularly love the person holding it.
And I’m sure it will happen, because everyone is entitled an opinion but please do not take this status and attack me and what I just said. I will not be answering any negativity so don’t waste your time. This was simply a post to say whether we like it or not, this is how it is and we as a people need to respect the Presidency and stop running our mouths about things that maybe should have happened, things we wished hadn’t happened, but simply did/didn’t. So move on and be proud to be an American. ”    Fin.

With great thanks to my guest speaker, you rock it girl. If anyone else thinks them worthy of submission, I’d be interested curious to read your writing from both sides of the aisle. 

I’ll add subject matter, form, etc. Go get those pens going, kids.

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The Sky is Falling, According to the MSM…

…that’s Main Stream Media (FOX, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS, etc.) for those of you in Rio Linda.

The language contained in this post is not safe for work, your children, grandmothers, or small housepets. 

Allow me to explain why, exactly, I’m not freaking out, triggered, or otherwise offended that audio was released over the weekend from a decade-old conversation with Access Hollywood with then-host Billy Bush. Driving around the studio backlot, the following conversation occurred:

 

H/T “lifestyle USA” https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvO7KnVG4_kteS50PCYJ4Ng for the video.

Anyway, you get to hear what he said. In a private conversation, between two men, Donald Trump made comments about a woman’s figure and how he would like to, in today’s slang, “tap that”, and given the opportunity, grab her where the sun don’t shine.

Did he physically touch her? No. She shot down his advances, despite a trip to Jordan’s or something like that. All Trump is guilty of is mouthing off (something he VERY much needs to work on, which everyone on both sides of the aisle have been saying throughout the entire campaign) and irritating the Establishment.

Folks, this video would have never come to light if the Clinton camp wasn’t Very Worried right now. This tape wasn’t “just” found. Somebody somewhere has been sitting on it, waiting for a big news story (like the so-called October Surprise) in order to distract voters from more important issues. I mean, who needs Julian Assange when we can get away with saying “pussy” over and over and over? C’mon, even Joss Whedon managed to slip the British equivalent into “The Avengers” (2012), and if you know THAT but know nothing about the execution of an Iranian nuclear scientist who was killed after HRC mentioned his name on her unsecured email server…get your priorities straight.

This video is naught but a big shiny object and the MSN couldn’t care less about what Trump says about women. Proof?

women in advertising    hooter     perfume

jag-thorns     video games

 Can someone please explain to me what a half-exposed woman on a beer bottle, a scantily clad (likely underage) girl, a 3/4 naked woman, a chick wrapped in wire, and boobs (MY EYES ARE UP HERE) have to do with selling beer, bad food, perfume, pruning shears, and video games, respectively? Oh, sex sells, right. That’s why we could easily see ANY of this on a billboard on the highway or in Times Square.

I could get into all the rap music that glorifies the mistreatment of women, but this is a blog post, not a novel.

Our options are thus: vote for a guy who said something stupid ten years ago (and yeah, the stuff I hear in the halls of school on a daily basis are worse) or vote for a woman whose husband is a KNOWN serial, sexual deviant and will be in the presence of thousands of potential victims who may not understand that it is okay to say “NO” to the First Gentleman, for fear of upsetting Madame President, who in turn has a history of covering up her husband’s awful behavior.

It’s times like this I think back to what Lewis Black said when Bill Clinton got impeached: “You got a blowjob! We want a blowjob! Have a cigar!”

Everyone has said it. No one cares. He just happened to get caught on tape saying it.

                grab madonna miley

See? Shiny objects.

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Why Trump Understands Our Foreign Policy Better Than You Think

The media went crazy the other day when Donald Trump, Republican nominee for the 2016 Presidential election, suggested that if Russia had the remaining 33,000 missing emails from Hillary Clinton’s private server, it might be kind enough to hand them over. There was much grinding and gnashing of teeth, with some even going so far as so accuse Mr. Trump of treason for inviting a foreign government into our own affairs. Although at the outset it could be suggested that Mr. Trump was speaking in jest, it may just be that he’s more familiar with our international law than the rest of us.

In June of 1999, The United States of America and the Russian Federation signed “Treaties and Other International Acts Series 13046: Mutual Legal Assistance”. It holds the seal of the United States State Department and the following note on the first two pages:

NOTE BY THE DEPARTMENT OF STATE

Pursuant to Public Law 89—497, approved July 8, 1966 (80 Stat. 271; 1 U.S.C. 113)—

“. . .the Treaties and Other International Acts Series issued under the authority of the Secretary of State shall be competent

evidence . . . of the treaties, international agreements other than treaties, and proclamations by the President of such treaties and international agreements other than treaties, as the case may be, therein contained, in all the courts of law and equity and of maritime jurisdiction, and in all the tribunals and public offices of the

United States, and of the several States, without any further proof or authentication thereof.”

Under this Treaty, Article 2, section 2 reads “Legal assistance under this treaty shall include… (2) providing documents, records, and other items;”

In short, this means that if either country, Russia or the USA, holds information pertinent to an ongoing legal case (which with regards to Mrs. Clinton’s emails, is still very much pertinent, as the Democrats have accused Russia for the DNC email hack and more), the partner country can submit a request in writing for that information to be turned over.

The irony of all this, of course, is that the treaty was signed by Mrs. Clinton’s husband, former President William Jefferson Clinton. When it was fully ratified some years later, it was passed unanimously by the 106th Senate (Treaty doc 106-22), of which Mrs. Clinton herself was a part (D-NY).

 

The full text of the treaty can be seen here: Mutual Legal Aid Treaty

Brown bear (Ursus arctos) growling, close-up, Washington, USA

Obama and the Clintons have poked the Russian bear on more than one occasion. It is this author’s opinion that Putin would be more than happy to do us a solid and bring Mrs. Clinton down.

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A Trip into Absurdity

So one ofthe things I’ve been working on, in between ranting and raving about the state of the country, is this idiotic and silly piece of writing. Names have been changed to protect the incredibly guilty. It’s a work in progress, so I may post more as I come up with it.

A Yet-Untitled Piece of Insanity
Copyright (c) 2016 by the blonde, All rights reserved. May not be quoted or published elsewhere without this author’s express, written permission.

         Once upon a time there existed a fantastical and balmy land known to the Universe at large as Preposterous Patria. To those who lived within its asinine borders, it was an area known simply as “SillyLand”. The longer title was held in reserve for special events, such as visiting foreign dignitaries, the launching of a new ship, and the local high school’s prom tickets. None of those things matters on this day.

For on this day, throughout the land, it was announced that Her Royal Highness, Princess Asya Scarlette, was to graduate from the general Institution of the Inane and was moving up to the Southern Royal Academy for the Further Instruction of Royal Etiquette and Education. While this is truly important day in any princess’s life, it is not the point of our story.

Far to the North, the Princess’ mother, First Princess of the Blood, Her Royal Highness Lillith Victoria, was beginning a great sojourn south to see her daughter graduate. Alongside her was Her Grace the Grand Duchesse of Somnolence, Gabriella Michaela Reseda, best friend to Princess Lilith and fairy godmother to Princess Asya. That is where our true story begins.

“You’re sure you have everything?” Prince Elymas the Kindhearted asked. Prince Elymas was not just a prince; he was also the realm’s primary sorcerer and magician who also fancied himself a world-renowned traveler. Often in search of new death-defying magics and spells, he travelled far more than the Princess Lilith and thus was concerned about her and the Duchesse and their wandering so far afield on their own.

“Relax, milord,” replied Princess Lilith. “For we have all we could want. Gifts for Princess Asya the Sassy, gifts for my parents, her guardians, a well-kept and nourished steed with great focus, a knowledgeable magicked guide, and miniature musicians for entertainment. We shall be fine.”

“Don’t forget, we also have the speaking devices that were specially spelled so that we may all keep in contact throughout the duration of the journey,” the Duchesse added.

“I suppose,” said Prince Elymas. He sighed, looking a bit forlorn. “Come here, my princess, so that I may take my leave of you properly.” Prince Elymas, although he tried to keep a reputation of being a stern and formidable sorcerer, was really a marshmallow. Kissing the princess thoroughly, he also hugged the Duchesse, whom he oft treated as a younger sister. Always the gentleman, he opened the coach doors, kissed the princess again, and waved them off.

“How long do you think it will be before he contacts us through the speaking device?” Princess Lilith asked with a slight edge to her voice, a combination of loving annoyance and humor.

The Duchesse giggled. “He shall at least wait until we are at the end of the road. You have the directions for the first part of the journey?”

“Of course, courtesy of Prince Elymas the Kindhearted. We shall follow the Great Road south for several miles, and cross over the Lenape River and continue the southern route along the inner shore until reaching the home of Princess Asya and her guardians. Should we stray from our path, we will count on the good advice of Sir Julio the Navigational Knight. Before we get really started though, let us fill the coach with fuel and stock our own baskets with victuals so that we will not have to stop and answer to the whims of our stomachs too soon into our drive.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Before long, the Princess and the Duchesse were well on their way. Separately, they were both accomplished voyagers and couldn’t understand why their respective families were worried about this particular trip. The Duchesse’s father, Solomon, His Grace the Grand Duke, was highly protective of the young, headstrong Duchesse and the troubles she was wont to get into. He understood that there was no arguing with the Duchesse once she got an idea in her head, and it was worse when she and HRH the Princess were together. They had already managed to get themselves banned from the neighboring kingdom for an unfortunate incident at that kingdom’s Summer Beach Concert Ball, something involving an over-abundance of sangria and a local squire’s son. Still, he would try. His Grace the Grand Duke and his daughter were very much alike. It gave her mother, the Her Grace the Dowager Duchesse, many headaches. HRH Prince Elymas was more inclined to worry, knowing more of the details of the escapades that ladies got themselves involved in.

It was these details the ladies were laughing over when the Princess Lilith commented on a slight unfamiliarity in the highway.

“This area is most unusual. Duchesse, could you please check the magicked guide?”

The Duchesse fumbled around through the mountains of miniature musicians, refreshments, wraps, and gifts until she found Sir Julio, the Navigational Knight. A young knight who had been cursed by a cantankerous witch with a horrific case of PMS, he was doomed to live his life in a mere two-inch tall metal box, a sort of tortured genie. Instead of granting wishes, he used his innate sense of direction and hired out to guide travelers all throughout Preposterous Patria. “Sir Julio, what say you?” asked the Duchesse, holding him up so he could peer out the window.

“Sweet Princess, I fear you have missed a turn over the Great River Bridge. This means you must now travel through the Five Cantons of the Excessively Vast Crimson Achene. It may be perilous. Good luck.” The good Sir Julio ducked back into his box.

“The Five Cantons? Is he crazy? We’ll be lucky if we don’t get a halberd through our windscreen, or caltrops under our wheels. Listen, you cantankerous canker blossom, how did we manage to miss the turn to begin with? You’re the Navigational Knight aboard this coach. Aren’t you supposed to tell us these things?” Princess Lilith, a bit pink around the edges, demanded.

Sir Julio blew a raspberry in her direction. “There was construction, just as there always is in this gods-forsaken city. Now don’t expect any help from me for a while.”

Duchesse Gabriella stared at the Knight’s box, wide-eyed with incredulity. “Well, engage softly with me in coitus with a sharp series of jointed metal rings.”

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An Addendum on Yesterday’s Crazy

As of this writing, the #BoycottTarget petition has gathered 975,444 signatures.

Quite the statement.

Really want to make your voice heard? Make sure to start shopping at their competitors. Start with “Mom and Pop” businesses. Support your local shops. If you need to go big,: Hobby Lobby. WalMart. Aldi. Academy Sports. Cabela’s. Toy’s “R” Us. Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Dick’s Sporting Goods. Publix. Trader Joe’s. All businesses that have a reputation for being “family friendly”.

We cannot count on the “powers that be” to advocate for our safety. We need to do it ourselves. Put pressure on places like Target* by shopping elsewhere. Don’t enroll in universities before checking their policies thoroughly. Do your research. It’s election season. You have to be ready to back yourself up practically every time you post an unfavorable opinion (read: not something the MSM or the liberal left would agree with) on Facebook.

Gandhi-great-quote

*Target started jumping the shark a few years ago, after there was a massive leftist outcry following a donation by the company to a politician who did not support gay marriage. They’ve been “atoning” for this mistake ever since, with massively public displays of affection for the LBGTABCQMXYZ crowd, eliminating gender-specific sections in their children’s clothing and toy departments, and demanding that guns not be carried on their premises, despite a very legal right to do so by those holding concealed carry permits. (Massachusetts has an open carry law, though most people don’t take advantage of it because of the Chicken Little effect it would cause; would they prefer that right be exercised?) Anyway, Target is not the only company pushing this dangerous gender-neutral nonsense. Starbucks and Barnes and Noble have also joined up to shoot themselves in the foot. As of midnight on Friday morning (when I’m updating this, because my stupid radiatiors sound like they’re possessed) the #BoycottTarget petition has reached 1,002,916 signatures.

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